Springtime Blues

Can't shake this blueness that I'm feeling right now. I don't like that feeling at all, but of course, it's there. Yes, I'm one of the pharmaceutical fanclubs! I like my pills, and they usually work! I think right now, I just happen to be at a home that's not my own (we are housesitting for some friends) and I just want my own space right now.

I think sometimes I bite off more than I can chew. I don't feel overwhelmed, but I'm not feeling very rested right now, either. There are friends that I miss and haven't seen in a while, but at the same time, I just want to stay home instead of call on a friend.
I'm actually writing this post over a span of 2 days. I haven't had much inspiration, or at least I haven't been looking for it. But on this rainy RAINY Wednesday morning, I am determined to find the inspiration that will get me through today-whether it be a phone call, a project to finish, or even a line from a book. Oh, I found the line from the book, but I still have a project to finish.
My daughter and I are talking about stretching ourselves. She has a project and she wants to do a topic on her favorite subject: The X-Files. Her teacher says that she knows too much about the subject. What I'm trying to teach her is that her teachers want to stretch her. They want her to find things that she doesn't know about. This is so awesome that we're having these kinds of discussions. I want her to stretch herself, too. I hope that she HERSELF decides to challenge herself. HEY I think that's my inspiration today. Encouraging my daughter to stretch her limits and also be an example of that!

Thanks for listening!
gh

Desperation and Inspiration

So, tonight I was cruising Facebook, when I came along an old HS crush that was someone else's friend. I would never friend him. I don't think we spoke 2 words to each other, but I had the most AMAZING crush on him. Abel is still F***HOT!! So, because I was sitting on my fat ass looking through FB, I started feeling sorry for myself that I wasn't F***hot. Thanks to some awesome friends, I felt better, but that niggling of not being thin enough or firm enough stays with me. I teach water aerobics, and if the students I had only knew how SO uncomfortable I am with myself, I don't know if they would want me teaching! I love it, though. I can't imagine anything better! It's where I can be a kid and give people what they really want. THAT'S what makes me feel good. I just wish I LOOKED like an aerobics instructor. I will start working on that.
ANYHOO! As I was feeling down and out, I found a magazine that had an article about a woman who had bi-polar disorder, which, I will admit, I have. She went to Johns Hopkins to get treatment, and she walked by a statue of Jesus w/ a passage that made me feel so good and I felt better. I will post it at the bottom.
Thank you for reading. I appreciate you for taking the time to read and share.
Love, Gretchen

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

To Terms

-------->cuz he's just too pretty to look at
Well well well.....Here I am!! I know, it's been a while.
I have had plenty to say, but sometimes getting it down is easier if I have a notebook with me and not a laptop. I'm not immersed enough into the wi-fi world to carry my laptop everywhere I go.
I really wanted to post something for my own thing to look back and be able to say "I said that!".
Just a very brief history, my darling daughter and I have been just us all her life. She doesn't have a very close relationship with her father, and he and I broke up right before she was born.
I've never had much good to say about his parenting skills, but today, we went to lunch with a single dad friend and his son, who happen to have similar circumstances as dd and her dad, and I realized something. My SD friend is a lot like my ex. They just don't really know what to do with the kids that they haven't known all their lives (both dads didn't have involvement in children's lives until the kids were older). I told dd later that after seeing sd friend, I finally felt less hostile toward ex because I saw someone else's perspective that I didn't have a personal involvement in. Make sense? Your thoughts.

Because I'm a bookworm, I'll recommend a book I haven't read, but dd, who doesn't cry much, read this at school and cried in front of people, so I'm thinking it's gotta be good. "The Last Song" by Nicholas Sparks. I must find out about him because he's got such a feminine side.

HAPPY EASTER!!!

Love to all!

Fit like Jeans

Trying on jeans----------->


Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully around with hobbies and little luxuries; Avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy is damnation.~~C.S. Lewis

This was quoted in a book I'm reading called "The Reason for God" by a pastor named Timothy Keller. He actually has a church he started in Manhattan that has become a pretty happenin' place!
Anyway, this is an issue that I've struggled with a lot. I remember telling my friend that I fall (in like, love) hard, but the funny thing is, is then I get really scared and take it all back or just harden my heart to relationships. I don't want to do that anymore. I met a guy I like. I don't know what he feels for me, but he's the kind of guy that I don't want to put a wall up with, and I found myself doing that the second (and last) time I saw him. My counselor told me that I should look at getting to know men as checking out if we fit. Like jeans, I guess. k. That's all. I'm tired. Need to be at work at 6:45 am and it's 10:15 pm. I've been running all week and can't wait for a day off.
Love to all!

In God I Trust. I define success on my own terms. Happiness is not defined by how smoothly everything is going for me. I aim for big dreams & excellence. Never allow failure to defeat me. I do not allow fear to overpower my progression.<--------got this off a FB page-Thanks LaRayne!


I've been piddling around for a couple days. Finally at the end stages of some nasty bronchitis. Today has been a great day for contemplation, laughter, and just plain old good jibes with my daughter. OH! Also washing all the "sick" bedding. That's tedious when I have a little washer, but I was able to do 1 comforter and 1 pillow in a load, so that was 2 loads, not including the sheets, but that's for another day. My bronchitis was allergy related, and I really need to get rid of the down comforters and get regular poly ones, which I should have done years ago d/t having an asthmatic daughter, but whatever. I'm only thinking of MEMEME! so it will soon get done....maybe. Selfish, aren't I? Yes, I am one of the most selfish creatures I know. That's been part of my contemplating. I love my daughter. I would do anything for her, but at the same time, I always find things to do for me. I wonder how to not be that way. Or can I? I am REALLY thinking out loud right now, so if you feel lost, think of this as being in my head. Scary, huh? Sort of like a clip of "Being John Malkovich".
I really had another point, but instead, I'm going to go have my dinner now.

PS--Check out Jim's coloring books to fund his son's adoption at colormehome.blogspot.com Pass it on to your friends!

If you plan on seeing "Remember Me" and haven't, don't read this yet.

So, I went to see my honey Rob Pattinson (not to be confused w/ Pat Robertson, Jim) on the big screen in "Remember Me." Not once, but twice, since I went the 2nd time w/ my daughter. If you haven't seen it and want to, don't read beyond this point.
It was a very emotional movie for me. The end was really hard, and I actually had nightmares after the second time, thanks to some old post-traumatic stress from 9/11.
I know, you wonder how someone on the west coast got PTSD from something that happened on the east coast. I'm still wondering that myself, but it happened.
I know I'm rambling, but I loved the movie. I loved the story, the music, the characters, everything. I'm not going to continue because you need to see it. But I leave you with this question. What one accomplishment do you want to do if you knew that you had limited time left on this earth? Would it be something materialistic, something for yourself, or something for others? My new fav quote was quoted in the movie from Ghandi "Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it." So....what would you do?

OH FOR THE LOVE OF ROB!!!!

Okay, I say Rob loosely, because I just saw "Remember Me" last night, and I loved it and cried and blubbered, and realized why I like Robert Pattinson as an actor, because he's great, along with his beautiful and amazing co-stars, and Pierce Brosnan is still hot! There was a great Ghandi quote in there that should be lived by-

“Almost everything you do will seem insignificant, but it is important that you do it”

But then that opened up another floodgate of emotions that I have been making a big deal out of. I went to a friend's house who introduced me to his brother, and I was really smitten. Yes, smitten is still en vogue. But, you know what??? I'm a dork! I DO NOT know how to act around men that I crush on or are attracted to. You're probably going "REALLY? Are you 36 or 16??" Really. The guy---I don't even know how to call him and say, "hey, do you wanna be FB friends?" so pathethic, I know. I get so FREAKING scared of rejection, that I don't even ask the right questions. Okay, so, advice????
BTW-My friend Jim is trying to raise money to adopt a kid that they love already. He and his wife create some cool coloring books, so check out www.colormehome.blogspot.com. They are going to be great parents!!

Sorry for not updating. Just been busy and in my own little world. No other excuses apply.
Love to all!