Friday, March 11, 2011


There are 4 meanings on in reference to the word Providence:
1.(often initial capital letter ) the foreseeing care and guidance of god or nature over the creatures of the earth.
2.(initial capital letter ) God, especially when conceived as omnisciently directing the universe and the affairs of humankind with wise benevolence.
3. a manifestation of divine care or direction.
4. provident or prudent management of resources; prudence.
5. foresight; provident care.

Today I'm going with #3. This past few days I have been struggling with a direction I rarely take as a parent. KEEP.MY.MOUTH.SHUT!! For most of those who know me, you so agree with this and are laughing because I don't shut up!! You know the diet books we have and read and then follow them for a few days? That's what I do with wise parenting. I throw it out the window because I decide to take back the power. I can't do that anymore. My baby is going to be 18. I'm tired. I'm tired of being the control freak that I turned into. So, because of that, I depend on #3. Of course, the house rules are still in place. But the attitude of "I can do it all myself" needs to stop. I can't do it all myself. So as Proverbs 3:5 says: Trust the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding, well, I must.

My prayers go out to Japan today. May the people we know and love be alright.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011


This will be short and sweet. I'm at work right now. It seems that I haven't felt like I've had a care in the world for a few months. However, some news that was delivered to me yesterday made me feel very small and out of control, oh, and of course, a failure as a mother, even though my parenting had nothing to do with it.

Have you ever noticed that when you feel all carefree, you should have the niggling caution in the back of your mind saying...."the other shoe will drop in 20 days!"

I know we have mountains and valleys in life, but I actually felt like a bucket of water was being poured on me. I hope the next chapter of my life will have me more aware of my surroundings and to just let things move. I'm working on it now. It's tough. Have I lost you? Well, gotta go back to work!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

My Mom

It's not her birthday, and it's not Mother's Day, but I need to make a post about my mom. She struggled in her life. There are times in my life that I can say I was full of resentment toward her. What daughter isn't? But mine lasted years. It's been in the last 10 years, that I can say I have seen the miracle of God work through my mom. My mom, who can pretty much only move her head due to the ravages of MS, also happens to be one of the most grateful people that I know. When she was walking, she was regretful, bitter, and resentful. Yet now, as she has lost almost all her motor skills, she has taken what she had physically and had it transformed in her soul.

I thank all the people who have come into her life who have shown her the Light of God that has helped her be at peace in a body that is anything but. She has so many! I am a daughter that only a mother could love compared to the outpouring of devotion that is given to my mom through other people. I appreciate and thank you all. Some of these people were inspirations to her because of their own illnesses, who have since passed away. You have all inspired me through the changes that I have seen in her.

She has changed other people with her love and words that have given people comfort in times of sorrow. Because of that, she gets cards and gifts frequently.

On this note, I think I'll go see Mom!!

P.S. I'm sure you'll hear this again on my post, as everyday I think how in awe of her I am.