Monday, December 27, 2010

If you can't stand for something.....

My daughter and I did our traditional Christmas trek to the movies the other day, and a preview of one of the movies had an actor singing the old song "If you can't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." Well, it's not a song, but you get it.
It got me thinking. Yes, right in the middle of the theater, that I don't think I stand up to anything that well. You see, I get really wishy-washy sometimes. I think it's because I would worry how I was labeled. There are things I don't like. I don't like the idea of people hating people that are different, or homophobia, or people who think that all Christians are right-winged conservatives or that all people who wear turbanes are going to blow up a plane (which, BTW, a lot of people who wear turbanes are Seik, not Muslim, at least in my world, so a little education goes a long way). However, I can understand why people freak out about all those things. And that is where I have to walk the line.
My daughter called me a homophobe one day (or implied it) because I told her that I didn't accept homosexuality. Actually, it was more that I said that I feel there are things in our lives that are developmental issues more than genetic tendencies. It didn't mean that if someone was, I was going to convert them or condemn them. I will never try to sway someone another way. It's impossible for me to think that, but I still have my thoughts. I still have my opinions. I'm sitting here trying to figure out why I'm even bringing this up. I guess it's because I feel I don't have a steady and concrete foundation in what I accept or don't accept. I have a friend who has really screwed up in her life. She has done things (and still does) I don't agree with. Can I accept what she does? No. Can I accept her? Yes. Because she's my friend. Does she know how I feel? AB.SO.LUTE.LY!!
However, I sometimes feel that my boundaries, when accepting the friendship, can be shaky. In my head, I'm letting her know it's alright. But I think that's almost the mind of a child. As an adult, I don't have my parents telling me to not hang out with that kid because she's bad news. But I DO have my boundaries by saying that she's my friend, yet I don't condone what she does in her life. She knows how I feel. She expects a little nudge when she sees me. She also knows what she's doing. So. I guess because of that, and because I do value my friendship with her, I do know my boundaries. I just have to show people where I stand with them. Now if I could JUST convince my daughter..... :D

Congrats go out to Jim and Cora on a step closer to having their girl home! Contractions are getting closer together!!

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Christmas Wishes

Last night, after my daughter's and my Christmas Eve movie watching with snacks (something new this year, but it was fun), I ended up on this computer taking my facebook profile of which Pooh character I was. I wasn't too surprised to find I was Eeyore. It was actually really refreshing to find that I was an avid couch potato and tv watcher, and all the worrying I have for my kid finds that it's because she's very similar to me. As much as we love to play outside, we balance it out well with computers and couches and tvs.
My Christmas wish this year is to be less freaked out about my daughter's love of all things computer. I'm finding it's her outlet. She is working hard at school, so she will have the outlet, along with me dragging her outdoors. :D

May you all have a wonderful Christmas Day!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The Ultimate Choice*

Choices. This world is full of them. What kind of bread should I get? The types of grain and baking method are endless in this country! We have abundance like crazy, and don't even know what to do with it! But bread's not my topic. My topic is around this season. What this season means to me. My faith in the last couple years has, I wouldn't say wavered, but I definitely am not the faithful churchgoer as I used to be. I could use an excuse that church doesn't make me anymore Christian than I already am, but I won't, because to me that's an EXCELLENT EXCUSE!! Nope. I've just been lazy. Lazy in a lot of things in my life. I guess you could say that I've taken a break from doing just about everything. But I digress. I'll save the bad vibes for another time.
Back to the topic. Today, I am hitting on a topic that makes me point to the disclaimer above and has me remind you of it before you begin reading anymore. Go on, Read it! THANKS! :D
Okay...choices. Yes. Lots of them. Yup. Did you know I'm pro-choice? I am. I believe that, even though God has a plan for all of us, I am still okay with someone to choose abortion for themselves. He did give us free will. And, like a good parent, he let's us make mistakes and face choices that suck. I had that choice once. I chose to raise her. But I still deliberated. As a woman, we get that decision. But guess what? The Ultimate Choice I'm talking about today was not made by a woman, but a man. Or, in this day in age, a boy. Probably not more than 16-18 years old, yet in those days, he was a man. His girlfriend, or should I say, betrothed/wife, was only about 12-14 years old. His betrothed, Mary was a very faithful Jewish girl who had the most extraordinary faith in God! So faithful that He chooses her to carry the Chosen One. The one that will save all people. The one that God promised since Adam and Eve ate the apple. We don't hear much about her deliberations in the bible except for it to say that she tells the angel (and I always forget if it's Gabe or Mike, or do they even mention it?) that it's impossible to be with child because she hasn't been with her husband. That's how faithful she is. She accepts it, goes and visits her cousin, who is also carrying John, who will become a wild man for Jesus, and looks forward to the birth of her baby. Need I mention that the cousin lives far away, and Mary was not yet showing when she went to visit? Back then, visiting cousins was a seasonal affair. She probably stayed with Elizabeth for a few months. Won't she have quite the Christmas present to bring home, huh?
So Mary, who again, is honored beyond all comprehension to be carrying the Messiah, comes home. Now let's picture this: Cousin Zechariah brings Mary home. Mary no longer has a teenage body. She's full in the belly. She didn't eat too much hummus and pita bread. She has a BABY in there. I always wonder if she sits and comprehends what people will think, like we do? Needless to say, people, including her immediate family, are shocked and surprised. They take her aside demanding the truth of how she got this way! She tells the Truth. She goes to her betrothed and tells him the Truth. The Truth to him is so far fetched that he can scarcely believe it! He faces immense betrayal. He did feel that. He was honorable to the law, and the law back then was that women did not cheat on their husbands. They were stoned for that sort of thing. STONED! This involves rocks, not grass. Now THIS is where it gets good!!!

Let me say something quick. Do you ever hear things that make you so mad or upset that you want to seek revenge or get ticked off right away? I'm raising my hand here. It usually takes someone else to calm me down and justify something to me instead of going and fulfilling the judgment through yelling, or whatever.
So, Joe makes the decision, because he loves his wife enough to not have her stoned to death.(back then, betrothals were marriage, and they lasted a long time, and sex was when the betrothal ended and the marriage began, so they were married, it was just not consummated). You know what happened? I'm going to just put up the passage because I couldn't say it better myself: From Matthew 119 Because Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and yeta]">[a] did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly. 20 But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. 21 She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus,b]">[b] because he will save his people from their sins.”
1) The man made the choice. As independent and liberal as I can be, I always love the man making the right decision. I appreciate that. He didn't make the divorce choice to dishonor her. He didn't want her killed. She was going to have the lesser of 2 evils. Remember, this was when women were not esteemed as they are now.
2) God didn't make THE MOVE until Joseph made THE CHOICE. That. Speaks. Volumes.

This goes back to God giving us the choices that we have. He was being Joseph's parent in letting him make a very adult decision that he would never be ready to make, and then he said "SURPRISE!" Believe your wife, because she has found favor with Me (see Luke 1:29-31).

I tend to ponder if Joseph made the other choice, what would have God done? Would He still come down and tell Joseph the Truth, or would Joseph's decision come to fruition? My heart aches thinking of the latter. Yet God made a decision and let His child Joseph make a CHOICE that, although he was still intervened in keeping Mary as his wife, he made the choice to keep her alive. Alive so she would still be able to bear a Son that came into this world to do the works of His Father, which also meant dying on a mere cross so that I can see Him in heaven someday.

Joseph divorcing Mary would not have changed the outcome of a baby being born. But would Jesus being raised without a human father made Him different? I don't know. I'm glad I don't have to know that. However, I know that he would have still served the purpose that was meant by God.

To my friends who are believers in Christ, I hope that you enjoyed a little more in-depth of my human perspective of Jesus' birth. And to my friends who are not believers, none of us deserve the love that we have the choice to receive, yet He loves us so much that He wants us to.

So, my thanks goes out to God for giving Mary an honorable and loving husband who made the decision to keep her from harm.

Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Family Christmas....NOT!

I tend to be a sad sort on my blogs. I think that's part of having a journal. I'm letting the world see what I see through a haze of sadness, happiness, excitement, etc. Since it's the holiday season, I'm one of the many that have stress that's really not necessary. It's really the season to reflect on the birth of the Saviour, and not whether I should buy this or that for someone.
I think it's also fair to say that I miss my family. I happen to be close distance to my family. I only live 3 miles away from my brother and parents. But the fact that we all have our own lives makes it hard to see each other. My sister lives a lot farther away. Roughly 800 miles, I believe. I don't miss her, but I miss what we had many years ago. When we say goodbye to each other, I don't cry because I will miss her. I cry because I'm no longer a sister to her in the sense that we were once. I do have that with my brother, and I'm so glad for that. He and I can still drink a glass of wine and banter and yell and tell each other we love each other at the end. To have lost a sibling due to growing up and growing apart makes me sad. To have tried a couple times to right the situation to no avail makes me feel I succeeded in trying. To see no change in the situation makes me angry to the point of despair.
I will never get my sister back. Whatever demons she's had to fight are hers to fight. All I can do is pray and love her, even though I hate her in so many ways. You may think that's harsh to say I hate her, but I do. I hate that she has become someone so bitter that I have to cut ties in order to keep myself and my family emotionally sane. However, I don't sound emotionally sane, do I? Can someone be when they feel this way? How do my parents cope with this rift between us? Are they as empathetic as I, or do they just let it ride and hope that we will become friends again?
Whatever the future brings, I know in my heart that I love my sister. I love the girl that worked so hard to keep it together when she didn't have the guidance she needed to do so. I love the young woman that felt abandoned when all of her family moved away while she was in college. I love the woman that has accomplished so much, and gained the respect of so many. But I hate the circumstances that have made her bitter and poisonous to me and those around me.
I have worked so hard to change the way I molded to some of my unfortunate circumstances. I can't change her, but I can't expose myself and my child to her when she won't change herself. I no longer can be the fixer that I tried so hard to be. At the age of 37, I am too tired to do that anymore. Now I will pray and hope that God takes away the hate. That's all I can do. Tomorrow, I hope I have given it up, so I don't feel this heaviness that I carry.

I do wish you all a Merry Christmas, and for Jim and Cora, many prayers for gifts from China.

Sunday, December 12, 2010


I went to Bainbridge Island this weekend for a Colin Firth Marathon. As usual, I had a good time with Carol. She's a sweetie pie. I enjoyed it.

I got to thinking as I was sitting and waiting for the ferry on Friday after work and seeing the man of my dreams running to the ferry that I need to do something. Now, once in my lifetime, I was pretty bold and was able to ask people out or go looking for them (is that stalking?) just to check them out or talk to them. Anyway, I haven't done that in a while. Since I've been in pursuit of more PLATONIC male companionship, I've been wanting to pursue some males. Guess what I did? After I got on the ferry, I checked to see if he was on it. He must have been getting the Bremerton Ferry. Oh well.

You may be wondering why I'm being random. Isn't that what this blog is for? I post my thoughts more than what's going on in my life. My life is great. Normal problems, yet at the same time, more happiness than not. Okay, back to my point. I have a hard time approaching guys because they think that I'm wanting something more than a casual friendship. I had a guy friend once say that men and women can't have totally platonic friendships with each other because there is sexual tension. True, because, did I mention that ferry guy was hotness? But we are adults who need to think with the right head and figure out that we don't need that. I would like casual conversation. I think that's what builds relationships. Is there such a thing between a man and woman-casual convo and building relationships?
I'm proud of myself that I actually went to see if he was on the ferry. A while back, I didn't do that stuff anymore. But now I know what I want. I want male companionship in a platonic way because I want to be a person who can have a casual friendship w/ anyone. I want to be able to go to a movie with a guy without it being called a date. There is something to be said about companionship with another of the opposite sex. It's nice to have a hand to hold. To get another opinion, one that a girl wouldn't think of. Mud and Poetry by Tyler Blanski....must read.

<-----------------------------This was ferry guy

Friday, December 10, 2010

IIIIIIIIII'm I'm still alive....

Honestly, I don't care how bad smoking's for you. It's pics like these that make me want to start again! --------------------------------------->

Hi! Yes, I'm still here. Life has been busy. I wrote a whole slew of notes that I wanted to blog about, and for the life of me I don't remember what they are! Oh well. Going over to Bainbridge Island today for a girls weekend w/ a friend to watch Colin Firth movies. "The King's Speech" was already s'posed to be out, so we were going to go see that along w/ our CF marathon, but NOOOOOOoooo...they decided to postpone. Speaking of movies w/ Brits, HOW GREAT WAS HP????????
Okay, need to get ready for work and the weekend. Love to all!!!

P.S. Jim and Cora, I'm praying for you that your waiting game is soon over. Those damn long labors. Too bad this kind doesn't come w/ an epidural.