Tuesday, January 3, 2012


The other day I had a realization. It wasn't anything new, per se, but it was quite shocking in a way. My brother came up in conversation between my parents and me--me wondering why he's cool with being arrogant and pompous, and 'why can't I be that way and not give a shit' type of story-- and my dad mentioned something about he's a Boeing engineer-he wants people to think he's right all the time. Something I noticed about my mom--when she heard my dad say this, she got this look of devotion and pride on her face. My mom's always strived for success. She instilled it in me. I'm not successful in how I want to be, and at this point, it's a choice I made. But I feel really hurt when I see my mom's face change so much when she hears my dad say what my brother's occupation is. It makes me sad.
Don't get me wrong. I love my brother so much. He's awesome! But he's still a pain sometimes. I'm not jealous. I think I'm just sad because I'm NOT where I want to be in life when it comes to my occupation, but there are other things I have done since then that are wonderful, and if I made different choices-even the choice of keeping my baby instead of releasing for adoption, I wouldn't have met the people I have, or had friendships that have endured.
So why does it hurt when I saw that look on my mom's face. I would love to have you shrink this for me.
Anyone? Bueller?

P.S. I know my entries are a long time coming, but thanks for reading.

1 comment:

  1. I know you want to please your parents, it's instilled in us. The thing is we can't always be where we want to be. I'd like to be a millionaire and sitting on a beach, if you're interested. But we can be happy with who we are and like you said, being a pompous ass is how some people are. I don't think you could be a pompous ass and be happy with yourself. Are you pleased with WHO you are? How do you react to situations, are you happy with that? I don't think it's what you have, or where you work, it's how you are. And, Gretchen, I've always liked you. So, there you are. Take it or leave it. :)